If you, like Donald Trump, haven’t read the United States Constitution: now’s your chance to do so for free. Although you can get digital copies for free online thanks to the freedom of information, the ACLU is generously offering everyone a free copy of the pocket edition for the United States Constitution (usually five dollars) from now until Election Day.
It’s 1959, and the world is on the brink of destruction. But thanks to this handy dandy little guide, you – as the administrator of [INSERT EDUCATIONAL FACILITY] – can make sure the next generation can survive anything. No school in America can be certain that it is entirely safe from total and utter annihilation through threat of attack. From small nuclear bombs to bacteriological warfare, it’s important that you, as an administrator, have a detailed plan from start to finish memorized like the back of your hand. After all, where would these great United States be without the next generation of educated minds in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics?