It’s 1959, and the world is on the brink of destruction. But thanks to this handy dandy little guide, you – as the administrator of [INSERT EDUCATIONAL FACILITY] – can make sure the next generation can survive anything. No school in America can be certain that it is entirely safe from total and utter annihilation through threat of attack. From small nuclear bombs to bacteriological warfare, it’s important that you, as an administrator, have a detailed plan from start to finish memorized like the back of your hand. After all, where would these great United States be without the next generation of educated minds in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics?
In all my years in the public education system, I’ve had some terrible teachers. But you? By far the worst I’ve ever experienced. I don’t mean this in a cocky, “fuck you” kind of way. If I did, that would imply I care about what you think about me. Heads up: I don’t. I never have and I never will. The reasons should be explained within this piece.