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Joseph Kaminski

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December 11, 2017

The Emoji Bible: Perpetuating Bullshit


Alright. First, let me just say this type of shit is why I won’t cry if the meteor ever strikes Earth. This is going to be a bit of a rant. So if you’re looking for my usual articles and blogs, you might want to stop reading. We live in a society that is perpetuating horrendous emotions in the form of shitty 7-bit internet “art” called an emoji.

We have a damned emoji movie coming out in the next year, which you know will become a blockbusting mega hit just because it’s playing with that capitalistic “hip with the teens” vibe that has taken over advertising and conversation. And now? Some fucking anonymous with no life is selling a 3,300 page “translation” of a 3,000 year old desert book for $2.99 on iTunes.

The translation, only shaving 200 pages off of the King James version of the “Holy book”, is described as “a great and fun way to share the gospel.” The so-called creator has claimed to the Guardian that he or she just wants “to make it as if someone would text or tweet a bible verse — by shrinking the total character count.”

I’m not happy with this. It’s not cool, it’s not hip, it’s not worth anything. It’s some fad that’s going to take the internet by storm and stay there to remain a sociological “slang” in our culture. I guarantee we’ll start seeing emoji quotes everywhere, because of the importance of finding loopholes in character limits mixing with pure and sheer laziness.

The Emoji Bible is not an intellectual breakthrough. It’s bullshitting in the form of millennials. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve previously reported on why I didn’t agree with Ben Widdicombe’s horrendous thesis on age gaps in the work place. But, this? This “internet sensation” is nothing more than a “hip and cool” way to get people to actually read their own Holy Book.

To replace religious text from millenniums ago with modern technology is nothing more than a bit of a millennial’s cash grab. But hey, that’s society for you, isn’t it?

I have one final message for the creator of the Emoji Bible. But, to get my point across I’m giving it in a way that they can actually understand:

Fuck You

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