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Election 2016 Politics

Brain Dead: Ben Carson Drops

Ben Carson, the retired neurosurgeon who started up his campaign on May 3rd, 2015, has finally dropped out of the race. At least, unofficially. Maybe in spirit, but not in title. Carson refused to actually say the words “suspending my campaign”, like so many members of the political clown car have stated before him. He, like he’s done his entire campaign, beaten around actual substance and created a word salad of nonintellectual psychobabble. Here’s his official statement:

I have decided not to attend the Fox News GOP Presidential Debate tomorrow night in Detroit.  Even though I will not be in my hometown of Detroit on Thursday, I remain deeply committed to my home nation, America.  I do not see a political path forward in light of last evening’s Super Tuesday primary results. However, this grassroots movement on behalf of “We the People” will continue. Along with millions of patriots who have supported my campaign for President, I remain committed to Saving America for Future Generations. We must not depart from our goals to restore what God and our Founders intended for this exceptional nation.

I appreciate the support, financial and otherwise, from all corners of America.  Gratefully, my campaign decisions are not constrained by finances; rather by what is in the best interests of the American people.

I will discuss more about the future of this movement during my speech on Friday at CPAC in Washington, D.C.

— Ben Carson, March 2nd, 2016

Now, it doesn’t matter if you’re one of Ben Carson’s six fans or not. This message basically states “Hey guys! I’m dropping out, but I’m hoping that if I just kind of threaten to drop out without actually saying the words ‘I’m dropping out’ might revive my dead political campaign by making nonexistent voters come to the polls in future states even though I don’t have more than eight percent in any state.”

But, Brain Dead Ben Carson doesn’t know when to quit. He’s delusional, believing God will make him President if he just holds in long enough. He ignores American History, World History, and (ironically, since he’s a damn neurosurgeon) basic science. His hands, however holy he may think they are, cannot and will not be able to heal his ponzi scheme of a presidential campaign.

After losing horrendously in Super Tuesday, Ben Carson is finally starting to understand there is “no political path” left to his campaign. I like that choice of words, honestly. Because he’s still holding onto his crazy faith, perhaps he believes there could in fact be a “religious path to victory” if the bloody Rapture becomes a thing.

The man knows nothing about politics. He never has and most likely never will, yet his political psychobabble manages to grab the attention of enough people to put him to the top of the polls for a brief moment called the “Ben Carson Bubble”. He can’t name a single United States ally, he believes that the pyramids were used to store grain, and he’s been flopping around like a dead fish in the polls ever since the beginning. He thought he could connect with voters through rap music. He’s said nothing more than a concoction of words that don’t work well together. He’s a nonsense spewing machine in the world of politics, and that’s saying something with people like Donald Trump and Marco Rubio in the race besides him.

Ben Carson is literally a quiet version of Donald Trump. He’s if Donald Trump overdosed on Xanax and Nyquil at the same time. That’s why his “popularity” only lasted for a millisecond. Just thinking of the man will put you to sleep.

Yet his campaign lasted three hundred and three days. Even after all his top advisers left him hanging, even after all of his support (which even at its peak claimed to be 80% unsure), and even after he lost every single primary and caucus so far, he’s still holding onto hope.

That’s why its kind of funny. Ben Carson’s HEAL, INSPIRE, REVIVE campaign has no hope, has yet to inspire any significant voting groups, and cannot be revived. Goodbye Ben Carson, have fun working at Fox News next year. The only reason you haven’t said the words “I’M SUSPENDING MY CAMPAIGN” is because you think God might give you a millionth chance.

brain-dead-ben-carson-drops

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I’m a writer and historian. Simple enough, right? I enjoy philosophy, sociology, social psychology, politics, basic programming, statistics, and old books. Unlike the stereotypical leftist, I do not necessarily censor myself. I apologize in advance if you find yourself offended by something I’ve said; but I do enjoy hearing criticism and having debates.

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2 Comments

  1. Ken

    *heal, inspire, revive!!!

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Joseph Kaminski
I’m a writer and historian. Simple enough, right? I enjoy philosophy, sociology, social psychology, politics, basic programming, statistics, and old books.

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