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Election 2016 Politics

The Five Ring Republican Circus

I have loved the analogy of comparing the demoralized and destructed Republican Party to a Five Ring Republican Circus for as long as I can recall researching our current politics. We don’t have a strong-right anymore. Nor do we have a strong left. The internal pendulum of American politics has found itself in a predicament: it’s shifted to the right severely, but the right has splintered off into oblivion. What do our politics look like? Well…

American Politics: Republican vs Democrat

While this chart may look bad for Democrats, we have to realize the Republicans to the right have splintered off in this, well, the Five Ring Circus.

The Moderates

Your moderates, the Eisenhower Republicans that ride the fine line of independence as they shake their head in shame, are starting to become minorities; some flee to the Democratic establishment, who currently reside in the same position of the political pendulum that Republicans stood in back in the seventies.

The Establishments

trump-and-immigration-cartoonThen we have the establishment. Those Republican elitists who stroke their chins as they open their pockets for Super PACs, corporations, and private donors.

Those Republicans who seem to be operating a ponzi scheme of politics who are currently being dethroned in this new age of politics. That’s exactly why Jeb Bush dropped out, too.

Now we see a literal wave of Republican establishment figures having a last-ditch effort to endorse robot Marco Rubio, the Mitt Romney of the 2016 Republican Race. They’re struggling to keep the party together, but ironically they are the reason the party has split to the point of no return.

The Libertarians

Hello, Rand Paul supporters! This is your half-time performance. Libertarians within the GOP seek to maximize autonomy and freedom of choice when it comes to our very own society. They strongly emphasize political freedom, voluntary association when it comes to government, and individual judgment. However, many libertarians become rather radical.

Fundamentalist constitutionalism manages to grip this subsection of the Republican Party by the tail. Nothing can be done in a political arrangement that wishes for society to go back to vaguely comprehended methods of government. How can you properly label yourself a politician or political activist if you reject politics and the government itself?

Rejecting the government you’re running for office in solves absolutely nothing. As stated in this article by Business Insider titled “Why Libertarianism is a Flawed Ideology”It’s like rejecting food: The real issue isn’t to reject food, it’s to eat healthful food, and to avoid poisonous food. Similarly, the real issue isn’t to reject government, it’s to support good government, and to oppose bad government. 

The Tea Party

The fathered yet orphaned child of the Establishment, the farther-to-the-right but closer-to-libertarian Tea Party is partially the cause for radicalization of all the parties. Resting in the lower-right corner of Conservatism, they are the definition of people who scream “you economic illiterate, haven’t you ever heard of the free market???” before promptly blocking you on Twitter.

The Tea Party, much like other rather-anonymous political groups, does not have a single uniform agenda that they can push forward through Congress. They don’t have enough votes to get their own representatives in high positions of authority over their father the Establishment, but they can sure make the Establishment cave in over fear if they want something; much like how a toddler can have a temper tantrum and threaten to shut down the government if their father doesn’t repeal Obamacare. Great analogy, right?

The decentralized character of this subsection, which is basically a caricature of itself, with its lack of formal structure or hierarchy, allows each autonomous group to set its own priorities and goals. Goals may conflict, and priorities will often differ between groups. Many Tea Party organizers see this as a strength rather than a weakness, as decentralization has helped to immunize the Tea Party against co-opting by outside entities and corruption from within. But…then we have Ted Cruz resting between the Tea Party and the…

republican circusChristian Conservatives

This is where I completely draw the line. This should not even be a political unit in a secular nation. Let me clear up some common misconceptions: America is not a country based on “Christian Values”, other than slavery of course. We aren’t “biblical”, we aren’t “religiously bound”. The words “In God We Trust” were only added to the dollar bill and our pledge of allegiance in the Cold War as a middle finger to the atheistic Soviet Union. We are a secular nation with separation of Church and State. We are not based on “Christian beliefs”. We are a secular nation, one where the constitution specifically states as such. We are a melting pot of different cultures and beliefs. But, with this incredibly radical republican wing comes racism and religious contradiction. Read More on Religion: Religion’s God Complex, On The Topic of Religion…

So, I’ll say it loud and clear so everyone can hear me.

Fuck you, Mike Huckabee.

Read More on Mike Huckabee: Religious Zealot Sinks His Campaign, Mike Huckabee Drops Out

Fuck you, Ted Cruz.

Read More on Ted Cruz: Pastor-In-Chief Wins Iowa, The Criminal Cruz Crew, Ted Cruz & His Dirty Politricks

Fuck you, Ben Carson.

Read More on Ben Carson: Ben Carson’s Hands Can’t Heal His Campaign

You three aren’t politicians. You’re fake cancer cure peddling, God-fearing, ignorant televangelists who are trying to force religious belief down the throats of people living in a secular nation. No, Ted Cruz, the bible is not more important than the constitution. No, Ben Carson, God isn’t going to hand you the nomination: you’re delusional. No, Mike Huckabee, the bible can’t cure cancer, please learn something for once in your life.

But, that’s the Five Ring Republican Circus for you. It doesn’t really make much sense. But welcome to America.

Republican Circus



I’m a writer and historian. Simple enough, right? I enjoy philosophy, sociology, social psychology, politics, basic programming, statistics, and old books. Unlike the stereotypical leftist, I do not necessarily censor myself. I apologize in advance if you find yourself offended by something I’ve said; but I do enjoy hearing criticism and having debates.

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Joseph Kaminski
I’m a writer and historian. Simple enough, right? I enjoy philosophy, sociology, social psychology, politics, basic programming, statistics, and old books.


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